How can I explain it without frightening those around me . . . those who love me the most?
First of all, I’m still me, locked inside my God-given temperament. I’m quiet; I hold my feelings inside me. I blamed this characteristic for my huge shingles outbreak in 2007 that led to the continuing post herpetic neuralgia (PHN), an ongoing chronic nerve pain. (Yes, it’s still there, just not as painful most of the time.)
Now, with cancer, the same withholding occurs. The thought of the disease does not easily leave my mind. I cannot push it away: Papillary Renal Cell Carcinoma (HCC), Stage One, Type 2. If I announce it to someone, pity and warnings are issued. The doctor says he probably got it all when he burned it out. But the rebuttal, from some, is: Don’t believe everything your doctor says. I need to monitor it carefully, I’ve been told. This feeds my inner temperament—my battle within.
My faith and my Bible say “Perfect love casts out fear.” But my mind fights back, telling me that there is no such thing as perfect love as long as I’m in this world. “There’s only one who is perfect,” says my Bible. “I have been crucified with Christ, yet I live…” “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” says my Lord. But I sense an isolation being formed by my peers. (So says my temperament.) Isolation breeds fear and fear battles my faith—my hope.
I desire to write more novels, so I need to be alone. Isolation is my cherished friend. Currently, when writing, it's the only time that my thoughts are whisked away from the cancer dilemma and onto other thoughts. Therefore, I conclude that cancer is a mind battle—a battle for my spiritual throne. Cancer not only attacks physical cells but mental cells as well.
My hope? “I will lift up my eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2) Thank God there are many “hills” in His Word to where I may run. (Chew on that, you mind, you!)
PS - Here's a suggestion on how you can best help me or, perhaps, a loved one who fights a similar battle:
First: Pray, first and foremost. My mental battle's enemy has talons. They reach out and grip many areas of my life.
Second: Order any novel and I will send you one free book or booklet of my other works. I need good news--not just the good news of God's provisions and His Word, but just knowing my writing labors are not in vain. Encourage me by ordering a novel. You won't regret it, I promise.
www.DramaticBibleNovels.com. Share my works, my blogs, and website with your friends. They will thank you later.
Blessings be yours today, I pray, Johnnie.